Pivot Points pt.1

In the art world, I’ve come to find that opportunities are always rushing by and for a long time i’ve been chasing after them. Running full speed ahead— I was applying to a million residencies, programs. workshops, and exhibitions. Anything I could put on my CV or get my name on.

I was taught that marketing and selling yourself was the only way to make sure the meaning of your work is gonna be vital enough to be viewed. A scarcity mindset. Something I was sure that I could overcome if I just gained enough accolades. I wouldn’t need to spend 30 plus hours photographic, editing, writing— let alone actually making the work; just to make it to the finish line.

Not to say that work isn’t beneficial. The culmination of all that work will be readily available to me once I complete them. Regardless, I had a heart sinking feeling after the array of rejection letters. I realized that I was trying to sell so much of myself before I was ready to be seen. I was making to satiate the needs of this rat race to the top and had forgot the real reason why I started my craft in general.

I wanted to speak in a language that only I would know but everyone had a chance to explore. I was still searching for myself through the lexicon of my finger tips. I still am. But I’m sure working without expectation will foster brighter, more self assured work. The next time I’m ready to show case my heart to the world, I wont resist the intimacy that comes with exposing my stammering soul.

I am currently switching between who I am and who I want to be; so much so that even my work is calling me out on it. It’s asking for more out of me, more of myself, more deliberate touch, and especially more time. I am going to utilize this time to do work for myself and allow myself to fall in love with the language that I made through my work before I neglected it for the race.

Pivot Point.

I’m sure this wont be the last time that I come to find myself at the crossroads of destiny and determination but what I am sure about is that so long as I commit to myself here I can only grow upwards! and truthfully thats how I got here the first time isn’t it? I hope when you go through your own crossroads you keep going and utilize each rejection as a chance for growth. As SZA’s song Far goes “If nobody wants you , you’re free!”

I am free to give myself time, patience, and the love I need to be able to share my heart with all of you & I hope I get to watch you do the same <3